Foucault & Power

I was out for my birthday a week or so ago with a large group of my guy friends. Someone I did not know at the bar approached me and asked if one of them in particular, my best friend Kyle, was my boyfriend. I said no and laughed because we're asked that all the time, and he said, "Oh that's good." I asked why, and he replied, "Because you seem to have him whipped so I would feel bad for the guy." I somewhat laughed at first, but then I almost felt insulted. By no means do I have my best friend "whipped," he was just making sure I was having a good time on my birthday. I started to think about what the term "whipped" even meant and how I made a total stranger think that. Was it because I was having a good time rather than just hanging on his arm the whole night? Or maybe because I was talking to everyone, who were also mostly males, and allowing Kyle to spend money on me without giving him enough "attention" for it. I still can't figure it out, but it made me start thinking about Foucault’s ideas on power.

Foucault’s basic idea about power is that power is in all people and can be exercised by all people as long as they actively choose to do so. It also only exists within social interactions and relationships. 

Since my best friend wasn't being dominant with me in whatever way this stranger thought he should be, he was seen as "whipped" by me, which to me is translated to having no power in the relationship. In turn, I was seen as having all of the power in the relationship, which was so out of the norm for this observer that he had to walk over and say something about it. 

I am still bothered about how Kyle was seen as "whipped" by me, so I started thinking about couples I see while I'm out and how they interact. Over the past few times I've been out I was observing, and as much as I hate saying it, I saw what you would stereotypically think to see--the men drinking and laughing/goofing around with their other friends while the females sit at the bar and chat with other females, or make physical contact (hug, arm around, etc) with their male partner and just laugh or smile. I'm guessing since I was the one being social and crazy with my other male friends, rather than taking it easy sitting down at the bar, I was seen as having power that Kyle should have had. 

This also got me thinking about how ridiculous it is that people think only one person in a relationship can have the main power. The phrase, "Who wears the pants in the relationship?" is a great example of this. I believe that Foucault is not only saying that everyone can obtain and use power, but that multiple people can use it at the same time if they each actively choose to do so--that nobody has to submit to someone else just because they feel inferior. I feel that there are tons of relationships out there where the power is shared, it's just not what society is used to seeing or thinking about. As humans, we naturally like to label things; by labeling someone as the one that "wears the pants" in the relationship it just makes it easier on our minds, but unfortunately it has created a stereotype and a norm that is now rooted thick into our society.

I think that if more people were educated about Foucault’s idea of power, more people would realize how unreasonable it is to think someone has more power just because of sex or gender. I think it could potentially open up a door for some women to speak up for themselves more and for some men to rethink their choice of words, actions, etc when interacting with women. 

My questions: Have any of you ever had something similar happen to you? Do you believe that it's possible to have a shared power within any type of interpersonal relationship?