Gender & Emotion

In class, we talked about emotion in genders and how females are over emotional while men actively hide their emotions. Immediately, I thought of  how I did not fit that “mold.”

I am typically an extremely happy person. When I get mad or sad, I am still laughing and always down-grade the severity of whatever issue I have going on. For the longest time, I would joke and say, “Oh I’m a girl, I don’t want to let people know that I’m upset and burden them because I’m just supposed to be happy.” It recently dawned on me that this is a crazy statement and that I should be able to open up to my friends/family about what is going on in my life, even if it is negative. I am always open to take on the burden of others and their problems, yet I cannot stand when I do it to them.

One thing that Dr. Crafton said in class today that really struck me was, “You can’t always be tough; you don’t want to always be tough.” I really felt this because that’s exactly how I am. During class, I kept thinking, “oh my gosh, my mind is like a man’s because I never get emotional. But honestly, I think that these days, women are being raised to not show emotion now too because we are expected to be happy, put together, and ready to take on the task of caring for others. When I do encounter a problem, such as recently when I had an extreme falling-out with my older sister, I hold in my anger, sadness, and other negative emotions and always tell people, “it’s whatever I’m fine” or “I’m over it, they’re not worth my sadness.” When a few friends told me that I need to stop and that being sad is ok, some of my guy friends would say, “come on you’re a girl it should be programmed in you to be able to be upset and deal with it—it’s normal.”  

My questions would be: do any of you ladies feel the pressure to not burden people with your problems too, or do you find that you feel guilt for confiding in people rather than just being happy? Do you think that this is a problem of gender, or do you feel that this is just a humans-in-general thing?

Music Videos...who's to blame?

This week I got in a mini-debate with a friend of mine. She was talking about music videos these days and how the males in them objectify women. She went on to say that it’s disgusting that these men (specifically talking about rap and hip hop artists) allow women to dance around half naked while the male just watches as if he’s used to it. I made the comment that the girls in the videos are willingly in them--they are making the choice to be half naked, dancing around, and doing those risqué things. Needless to say, she didn’t like that comment.

By saying this, I didn’t mean that women are “asking” to be objectified; I was just simply trying to make her realize that men are not forcing these females in the videos to do anything, in fact in most music videos, girls will audition to be in it and know exactly what the music video entails. Yes, the male artists may have a lot to do with creating the concept of the videos and their songs, but I feel that women should not agree to be in videos that are super raunchy—basically I was just annoyed that males are always getting the blame for when a female is portrayed as a sex object when it’s not completely their fault.

I watched a video a few years back in another Gender-based class I took; it’s very explicit and shows a lot of sexual objectification of women. It’s called Tip Drill by Nelly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFBga8WP7EY) Afterwards we had a discussion about the video. Most peers only talked about how disgusting the males were in the video for “allowing this” and wanting to have a music video with this in it. A few others said that the women in the video are “insecure” and/or “uneducated,” so they wanted to make money and get attention. Nelly’s music video for Tip Drill is definitely explicit—there’s a lot of sexual stuff going on and nudity, although a lot of it is blurred out (nipples, mostly). However, a much newer video that I stumbled upon is definitely worse. The music video for Make It Nasty by Tyga (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pvpAf5veyw) has no blurring of nudity at all (not even nipples), and far more sexual chaos happening than I’ve ever seen in a music video before. My boss saw it and argued that it’s basically soft porn. Once again though, all I heard about was that Tyga was a skeezy person for wanting these women to be engaging in these activities.

I think that the real issue of gender in the media has nothing to do with men being pigs and women being victims of sexual objectification. The real issue, at least in my opinion, is that we’ve been exposed to these types of images/messages for so long that we forget that they aren’t appropriate; they’ve become a norm to our society. To me, the most disgusting part about these videos is that they are too common. I think that women should know better than to be in a video that does this, but it’s so common and less frowned-upon that they actually (in my opinion) enjoy doing it, no matter what their motivation is. Since this is the case, it allows the cycle to continue—explicit songs are created, an explicit video needs to accompany the song, tons of females apply to be in the video, the song and video is a huge success, another artist thinks up an explicit song, etc… Now, by no means am I saying its females’ faults either. I’m just saying that as a whole, our society has become desensitized to these things and it’s harder for us to realize that they’re not ok and shouldn’t be “normal.”

My questions are: Why is it that the men are the first people to get the blame for female objectification in music videos? What are your opinions about this topic? Do you think that videos such as these 2 should be allowed to be created and marketed to the general public on places such as YouTube? 

Where does it start?

I was babysitting a 5 year old and a 2 year old one night. The 2 year old was down for a nap, so me and the 5 year old, Mikey, were watching his favorite movie--Transformers.

Mikey made a comment that he would love to be as tall as the Transformers were. I agreed and said that it would be really cool. Mikey then told me that I couldn't be that tall because, "boys were made to be taller than girls so they can look down their shirts." I was completely dumbfounded by this. Mikey loved his trucks, action figures, etc so he was very "boyish" in that sense, but he never made any comments before about girls, especially about their appearances. His parents monitored the TV shows he watched, taught him about respecting all people, held him accountable when he used foul language or made rude comments, etc. 

In my eyes, his parents were doing everything right, and I feel that there's no way he could have learned a comment like that at home. He is limited to certain shows he can watch, the worst being Spongebob (which isn't even that bad). Transformers and other super hero movies are his favorite, and they do get a bit raunchy from time to time, but I feel like he wouldn't have picked up on it from those. The last option, then, would be his school. I know that kids at school, especially his age, are aware of gender differences, but I had no idea that 5 year olds even knew that (stereotypically) boys look down girls' shirts. Could he have really learned about something like this at school?

This made me think about if and how parents can protect their children from picking up these messages unless they were to completely shut them out of society, which is totally unrealistic obviously. I can imagine the frustration of going through all the effort to child-safe your home, just for it to be picked up on from other kids at school or daycare.

My questions are: Where do you think gender roles, stereotypes, etc are first learned in children? Do you think there is a realistic way for parents to protect children from acquiring these messages? What do you feel are the dangers in children learning mature gender roles/stereotypes such as this one at such a young age?

Names, Gender, & Identity

The discussions in class about names have really had me thinking about people and their identities, and how much of an impact a name really has on people’s lives. I have always been fascinated with names and identity, so I was very excited in hearing about people’s names in class.
What first got me interested in this was my name story. My dad wanted me to be named Cassandra, but my mom hated it and wanted me to start with “A” because of my older sister having an “A” name. One day my mom was watching the Home Shopping Network and saw a porcelain doll named Abigail being sold and boom, I had a name. What always gets me is that, whenever I tell people this, they always say, "Oh yeah, you wouldn’t be a good Cassandra” or, “you don’t look like a Cassandra.” Well, why? What makes someone a “Cassandra” over an “Abigail/Abbi” and what do I have/not have to make me more of an “Abigail/Abbi?” It has also made me think about how my life would have changed, if even at all, if I was actually named Cassandra.

A friend of mine is pregnant right now. Growing up, we always talked about what we would name our kids and why, so I didn’t think she’d have an issue with names other than narrowing down her choice. Strangely enough, she doesn’t like any of them now and she’s completely freaking out over the naming process. She keeps saying that she’s afraid that the name she and her husband pick won’t be the “right name” for her baby. It made me think about the naming process in general. Parents pick names that they like, whether there’s a meaning behind them or they just like the name itself—they have no idea what their baby’s personality is going to be like, what they’ll look like, etc. So how, then, does a name “fit” a person? I’m still not sure how to explain, or feel about, this idea. (I hope that I even make sense right now because I’ve rewritten this like 10 times). I do think that your name, along with gender, are the foundation for how your identity starts…I’m just not sure to what extent your name impacts your life or how.  

I also wonder about how names and gender correlate. I babysat an adorable little girl named Ryan when I was in high school, and ever since I’ve been fascinated with the idea of naming a daughter of mine a “boy” name. I started thinking about how cool it would be to break the norm with something as powerful as a name. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around if a male was named a “girl” name though. My cousin’s ex-boyfriends name is Ashley, and I never knew how I felt about it (which I know is wrong of me). I feel that boys with “girl” names would be bullied to a certain extent in school, especially at a young age. Yes, this could also be said about girls with “boy” names, but I don’t think it would be as harsh as boys would.

My questions are: How do you feel your name impacts who you are as a person?  Do you think your life would be different If you were named something else? And how do you feel about “gender-switching” names?

Breaking the Masculine/Feminine Norms?

I always joke and say that my dad raised me as a boy because I am definitely familiar with as much stereotypical male knowledge as I am with stereotypically female knowledge. Yes I can cook well, clean, sew decently, do my hair and makeup, care for people, etc—but I also drive a big truck, love to get muddy, am familiar with cars, play Call of Duty, avidly keep up with sports, etc.  I’ve noticed that most males don’t have an issue with this—I have mostly male friends and none of them think that their “manly hood” is being threatened by me having some masculine knowledge. Females however (well, most of the ones I’ve been in contact with) think that it’s either super weird in a negative way, or treat me like I have super powers or something. After actually thinking about this, I’m pretty surprised. I drive a lot of old, classic cars to car shows because my family is a huge participant in them, and whenever I get out, all the older men gawk—I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Look! It’s a lady driver!” This always made me think that all men had this type of thought process and reaction; however men around my age (I’m 22 so 18-25ish range) seem to shrug it off and just make conversation as normal. I never would have thought that so many females, both older and around my age range, would be so dumbfounded at me engaging in “masculine” activities and interests without also dressing like a tom-boy—I’m just straddling the line and I feel like a lot of women don’t really know how to handle it. 

While thinking about the reasons why women may not understand, I started to reflect on the images of women we see today and if that had anything to do with it. Every commercial I have paid attention to has been females doing either doing safe things in a home, as a mother, as a best friend to other females, or provocative things. I looked through a bunch of my magazines and did not find a single photo of a female doing something masculine in there. In Chapter 1 of Gauntlett it says, “Magazines aimed at women, and increasingly those for men, contain all kinds of advice on how to live, look, and interact,” (Gauntlett 3). Reading this finally made me have a sort of “Ah-ha” moment. Women’s magazines portray very feminine things while, if a male does show up, he does very masculine things. Females are usually modeling makeup, laughing with their friends, sitting at home, etc. Men’s magazines, after stealing some of my friends’ and looking through them, show various women doing masculine things such as working on a car, drinking beer, sitting on the tail-gait of a truck, etc. Now, I admit these females are usually dressed a little skimpy, even overly sexy in some photos, but the general idea of a female being present during these masculine activities is still being absorbed and conditioned. This idea could be backed up by Gauntlett on page 7 when it says that men’s magazines “encourage men to understand women and face up to modern realities,” (Gauntlett 7). 

It’s frustrating because I always hear about how females are breaking barriers and not going to give into the traditional way, but their attitudes about this do not reflect their behaviors. In fact, a lot of the females I know—the same ones that say traditionalism is ridiculous—are also saying that or are utterly terrified that they will never be married because they do not know how to cook fancy meals or use a washing machine, or are only dating males that want to be the bread-winners of the household. My parents raised me to be an individual, not a woman, not a man—they never said that I could not be with my dad while he worked on his car, or that I needed to take mental notes when my mom was cooking. I feel that your identity as whole, as a person, is so much greater than your identity as a specific gender, and that more people should not only change their attitudes about this, but also their behaviors.

My question would be what you think today’s definitions of femininity and masculinity are and if you agree or disagree with my observations. 

“Rebelling” against mass media

I always hear people talk about how mass media is so terrible, and that buying the latest album/single/product/etc is just allowing media to continue to run our lives. However, I always think about how we can escape media at all. I mean,  just because you bought a Lana Del Ray CD instead of a Drake CD just because Drake is considered as part of a popular culture, you’re still buying an album. I just feel like going out of your way so that you’re not conforming is still conforming, because you’re still letting media control what you do or do not do, you’re just actively going against it rather that going with it. Companies have created a market for all the “rebels” out there and are taking advantage of them as much as other companies are taking advantage of the people who follow the more popular culture.

All of this came to my mind when I read Chapter 2 of Gauntlett, especially when Theodor Adorno is quoted, “Something is provided for all so that none may escape,” (Gauntlett 24). This basically sums up what I stated above—yes there is a wide range of options, however it is all giving into the same industry. The book goes onto say that, “The consumer is not the king, as the culture industry would have us to believe, not its subject but its object,” (Gaunntlett 24). This is basically saying that mass media is aware that people have different opinions and interests, so they give us a limited amount of things to choose from that are still broad enough to satisfy people’s need to be different or to fit in.

 It’s crazy to really think about how much mass media is influencing, and that even when you think you’re escaping it, you’re just being tricked because they saw it coming and gave you another road to go down. Do you think that there is an escape from mass media? Do you have any more thoughts on this?

Foucault & Power

I was out for my birthday a week or so ago with a large group of my guy friends. Someone I did not know at the bar approached me and asked if one of them in particular, my best friend Kyle, was my boyfriend. I said no and laughed because we're asked that all the time, and he said, "Oh that's good." I asked why, and he replied, "Because you seem to have him whipped so I would feel bad for the guy." I somewhat laughed at first, but then I almost felt insulted. By no means do I have my best friend "whipped," he was just making sure I was having a good time on my birthday. I started to think about what the term "whipped" even meant and how I made a total stranger think that. Was it because I was having a good time rather than just hanging on his arm the whole night? Or maybe because I was talking to everyone, who were also mostly males, and allowing Kyle to spend money on me without giving him enough "attention" for it. I still can't figure it out, but it made me start thinking about Foucault’s ideas on power.

Foucault’s basic idea about power is that power is in all people and can be exercised by all people as long as they actively choose to do so. It also only exists within social interactions and relationships. 

Since my best friend wasn't being dominant with me in whatever way this stranger thought he should be, he was seen as "whipped" by me, which to me is translated to having no power in the relationship. In turn, I was seen as having all of the power in the relationship, which was so out of the norm for this observer that he had to walk over and say something about it. 

I am still bothered about how Kyle was seen as "whipped" by me, so I started thinking about couples I see while I'm out and how they interact. Over the past few times I've been out I was observing, and as much as I hate saying it, I saw what you would stereotypically think to see--the men drinking and laughing/goofing around with their other friends while the females sit at the bar and chat with other females, or make physical contact (hug, arm around, etc) with their male partner and just laugh or smile. I'm guessing since I was the one being social and crazy with my other male friends, rather than taking it easy sitting down at the bar, I was seen as having power that Kyle should have had. 

This also got me thinking about how ridiculous it is that people think only one person in a relationship can have the main power. The phrase, "Who wears the pants in the relationship?" is a great example of this. I believe that Foucault is not only saying that everyone can obtain and use power, but that multiple people can use it at the same time if they each actively choose to do so--that nobody has to submit to someone else just because they feel inferior. I feel that there are tons of relationships out there where the power is shared, it's just not what society is used to seeing or thinking about. As humans, we naturally like to label things; by labeling someone as the one that "wears the pants" in the relationship it just makes it easier on our minds, but unfortunately it has created a stereotype and a norm that is now rooted thick into our society.

I think that if more people were educated about Foucault’s idea of power, more people would realize how unreasonable it is to think someone has more power just because of sex or gender. I think it could potentially open up a door for some women to speak up for themselves more and for some men to rethink their choice of words, actions, etc when interacting with women. 

My questions: Have any of you ever had something similar happen to you? Do you believe that it's possible to have a shared power within any type of interpersonal relationship?